Of Course It's Always Stefan
by waitingondelena
Summary: The Damon and Elena kiss from episode 2x01, The Return, only this time, you get to read it from Damon's point of view.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of the characters involved. Most (but not all) dialogue is straight from the show, but the rest of the story is my own. Thank Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, L.J Smith and Ian Somerhalder for giving me such a wonderfully complex character to play with.**_

I didn't mean to scare her. But I could honestly care less. I had just been rejected, denied, my heart chewed up and spit out by the woman I had obsessed over for more than 150 years. Rejected for my brother, the "good brother" no less.

So was it any wonder that I would appear in the "good brother's" girl friend's bedroom?

She should have been used to one or both of us appearing whenever we wanted anyway. She had been dating Stefan a little over two months now. I had conflicting feelings about this girl, this human Elena. One problem was the fact that she could make me feel at all. Because really, about anything else, I just couldn't give a fuck.

But she made me care.

I was contemplating that, gloomily, when she made her way into the room.

"Oh!" she cried, jumping back. "You scared me."

I barely raised my head, still wondering what made this girl so special that I would appear here right after the most heartbreaking moment of my long, tedious life.

"Just doing my part in the neighborhood watch," I replied dryly.

She sighed, moving towards me. "Thanks. For, um. Looking out for us. For me."

I still wouldn't look directly at her. I felt as if the realization I was slowly coming to was going to burn right through my eyes, clear as day for her to read. I couldn't do that. I couldn't feel this for her. I loved Katherine. I couldn't let her think that I did feel this for her. She'd betray me in some way, use me to an advantage. That's all anyone in this stupid, messed up world did.

"That's me," I replied. "Trusty body guard. Calm in a crisis."

I realized my voice was thick with the emotions I was trying to hide. Well shit, how did, I—

She looked concerned. "Have you been drinking?"

Sure. Let's go with that. I pinched my pointer finger and thumb together and squinted at her. "A little bit," I hoped my body language read.

She shook her head. "And you're upset, that's not a good combination."

I nearly snorted. Elena was the only one who would ever think I could get upset. She was wrong, I couldn't. I couldn't feel a thing. It was as if I was numb, except for the faint sense of the warmth beside me that was Elena. "No I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care."

I wasn't upset. I wouldn't let myself be. I didn't want to feel anything. But as long as Elena was near me, that switch on my emotions I could so easily turn on and off was permanently in the "on" position.

She rolled her eyes and looked away. "Come on Damon. That's a lie."

And with those three words, the dam broke and emotions burst forth. There were only two, one so powerful and intense that it nearly made me double over in pain, and it was coupled with a searing anger. I didn't understand the first emotion, or what it was, but anger I could do.

"You care," I heard her say.

I heard myself speak, anger and, furious and helpless to stop it, hurt powering my words. "You were surprised that I thought you would kiss me back? You can't imagine that I'd believe that you'd want to…"

"Damon—" she tried to interrupt—warning me it sounded like. But I continued.

"That what we've been doing here, means something. You're the liar Elena. There is something going on between us and you know it."

I stood up from her bed to face her, noting the look of confusion and hurt on her face. She almost looked scared. But I couldn't stop, the words were bursting forth, everything I had been holding back since I thought we had kissed on the porch was bursting out from me. "And you're lying to me, and you're lying to Stefan, and most of all you're lying to yourself. I can prove it."

Before I could think about what I was doing, before I even wondered if I should, I kissed her. I felt her struggling, and I didn't care. I needed this, the feeling of being needed by someone who cared about me, believed in me, believed in my ability to care for her. I needed that love from her, that sense of being wanted.

But she didn't want to give it to me.

"Damon don't!" she cried, pushing me away. My hands continued to touch her face, stroke her hair, connect with her in any way I could. "What's wrong with you?"

"Lie about this," I told her, trying to go in to kiss her again.

She stopped me. "Stop it you're better than this!"

A tiny part inside of me took notice of this, took note of the fact that even after kissing her against her will she still believed in something in me, even if that something wasn't there. "That's where you're wrong." I told her, trying to kiss her again. She was so warm, her hands running up and down my chest. I felt strange, vulnerable, like if I could only be with her the rest of my pathetic undead life I'd be content. I didn't like this feeling, the feeling of being open and ready for attack, waiting for an answer. I needed her to accept me, even for only this night.

"Damon no, no, no!" she pulled my hands off of her face and pressed them against my chest, holding her own over them. "I care about you, listen to me, I care about you! I do! But—"

I clenched her hands to my chest, unwilling to let go, unwilling to let her go, holding on to the last piece of stability I held. My grounding, my new reason for belonging here.

"I love Stefan," she told me earnestly, her eyes shining. "It's always gonna be Stefan."

I immediately dropped her hands. I knew an ugly look was passing over my face. My sweet angel Elena, telling me exactly the same thing Katherine had told me only an hour before. No words for me. No love for the man who could not care.

Suddenly I felt unattached from the situation, filled only with a rage and hurt I had not felt since Stefan had forced me to become a vampire. I needed an outlet, I needed to get out of here fast, before—

"Elena, what's going on in here?"

I turned to see Jeremy standing in her doorway. Elena quickly tried to yank her hands from my grip, and I reluctantly let her go. And there it was, my anchor holding me to the world gone. There was nothing to stop what I was feeling from snapping, I could feel the tension coiled in my chest already.

"It's nothing, Jeremy, its ok, just go."

I'm nothing to her, I thought. And that's when I snapped. "No it's not ok Elena," I sneered. I looked at her, showing her the amount of hurt she had caused me for only a second before turning away. "He wants to be a vampire. "

Faster than either of them could see, I was across the room and had Jeremy up against the wall by his neck. "No, Damon, stop it!" I heard her cry, but it was too late. My brain had reverted back to autopilot, back to years of instinct and practice as a none-feeling, cold hearted predator.

"You want to shut out the pain," I growled, hearing the hurt in my voice. I no longer cared. "It's the easiest thing in the world. The part of you that cares, just goes away. All you have to do," I said, my rage building, "is flip the switch and SNAP." And with that I twisted his neck as hard as I could, feeling the clean break of the bone with a kind of sick pleasure, before I stepped back so the body wouldn't hit me.

"Damon—NOOOOOOOO!"

I watched as Elena dove to the floor by her lifeless brother, fussing over his arms, his legs, crying, not knowing what to do. I did that. I hurt her. I watched as my anchor to this world, my key to reality, my reason to care looked up at me, eyes so full of hatred I could feel it through the haze of my anger and hurt, feel it piercing through my very heart and soul. Two things I did not think could feel any more, could feel that hate. She hated me.

I turned around and left. There was nothing here for me anymore.


End file.
